There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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