if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he fucked my hip out of place.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
