you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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