She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize