This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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