Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize