Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
