someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Randomize
