the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
