I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
