Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There r osticjed everywhere
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
