I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize