I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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