apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
