I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
