Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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