apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
