I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
