I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
