I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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