Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
