Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
