How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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