Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
