Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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