I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
