Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
