nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
