i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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