I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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