We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize