Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
