do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My balls are so social today.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
this will be a night to untag.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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