I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
