How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
