I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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