yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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