She said her name was "party"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
