we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
