Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize