if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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