I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If I die, sorry about rent.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
