I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Who did Billy Mays play for?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize