It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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