There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
