Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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