You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
