Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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