Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
