he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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