I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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