My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
