I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
