i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize