Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
where am i from again
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
