have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
