im about as happy as oj after his trial
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
honey bunches of taint.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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