and you said cock pushups were impossible
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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