I want you more than these girls want KFC
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
