i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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