Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
