It's Friday. Sex?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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