I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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