i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize