pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
