oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
