Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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