hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Where did you get a picture of my penis
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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