Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
