i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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