who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize