margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
