Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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