I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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