He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
