I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
