I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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